Philothea
Life in the JVC

Old E-mails

2002-10-26
The idea for this was stolen unapologetically from Amy.

"What can I say about "Biggest Elvis"? This book is fraught with humour, mystery, sharp one-liners, and the kind of quirky aesthetic sensibility we have come to expect from Kluge. The wit that laced Alma Mater is back in full force. Too bad the man's so ugly, or he could be famous,"- "The New York Times"

Amy pretending to be Shutt and Lentz:

Dear Megan, I regret to report that our independent study cannot meet next week. I have tentative plans to get drunk and do other things. This is very sad. Perhaps my besetting sin is incontinence. That's what Dante would say. "Shutt, you bad thing..." Merriment and jollity � TBS

Miss Rafferty, yr most recent e-mail message seeks, nobly, to update your good friends on your comings and goings. to this end, it is of unacceptably short length, only three lines. The subject is barely covered. Yr word choice favors brevity over clarity. Re yr argument itself, it is vy ambiguous what the words "great time" mean - a proposition which is not explained at all in the body of the message. Is it not a greater virtue to explain in every detail (sordid though they may be) rather than turning in this brief whisper in the wind and so wasting the instructor's time? See 32c, to which you are entirely indifferent. Also (as warned) see 43h, 25z and 116q. Dminus. I expect better from you, Miss Rafferty. I trust yr holiday season was restful and that you read the Divine Comedy in its entirety. -Mr. Lentz

James the Lesser:

I always used to think that what I'm going to miss about this place over the summer is the books and the ideas that are like oxygen here. I don't think I can say that, I'm not enough of a scholar to say that. I always talk about how much I love ideas and thoughts, but seriously I've never really acted on that. What makes this place for me are the people. I've met such a wide array of people, who've touched my lives in so many different ways and made it that much more rich and meaningful.

My Dad somewhere in Afghanistan:

Afghani Men do all the work on base.The children beg, or try to sell you their money.Every Afghani child has wads and wads of worthless Afghani money and theyhold it out and say "Mistah!... Mistah!... Dollah?".At first I couldn't resist and spent $17.00 on worthless Afghani money. When you give out one dollar 12 children all holding out wads of their worthless money immediately surround you.Colonel Green said I was single handedly destroying the local economy. Lately, I've been saying "No dollar." Tonight, though, after I said "No dollah" the kid held up the money and said �Shah! Shah!" I stopped in my tracks and looked back at the kid and asked"King?" The kid became excited "Yes! King! King!" I looked on the bill and there was a picture of King Shah on it. Well, that was several governments ago. The King just returned after being in exile for 39 years. I said, "Yes. Dollar for King" and we made the trade. Other kids surrounded me, of course but I kept asking "King? King?" None of them had a single bill in their wads with a picture of the King. So I bought no more.Tonight we're planning to play "Afghani Money Poker". I'll probably lose the first 17 dollars, but me bill with the picture of the King isn't going to be in the pot. That's a keeper.

My brother Liam:

Sometimes I'm the only one on a floor in the library, as much as that fact can be ascertained. You see, the library has so many floors and books, that it creates a singularity. And its internal dimensions start to fold in upon themselves. So I guess I should say I'm the only one in the four dimensions of a floor in the library, although this is assuming a linear progression of time, which, of course does not exist.

John, the last white knight of the world:

lemme tell you about the cleanup operation. I got the shoes off amid showers of mudclods without much trouble. Then came the socks. I managed to work it loose at the toe a bit and so I put it around the pipe of a radiator and pulled. It slowly oozed off and finally let go with a bang and mudsplatters stuck to the walls. It was a long sock after that, and still is. It was so dirty. Plastered with mudclots on the outside and on the inside stuccoed with a sort of mud cement refined by the sock sieves. I muskhed it around in the sink a bunch but eventually gave up. They were pretty brown socks still. And still are. wearing em today in fact. A bit crusty feeling still. The pants I just threw into the washer, and they were still covered with mud when they came out Hey did I mention that my hair is turning green? There seems to be a lot of chlorine in the water here. Goodbye again.

My Sweets:

Sweets?

Well, seeing how I can't avoid getting cute nicknames, let me at least point out the ones that are absolutely forbidden:

Princess
Honey cakes
Studmuffin

Hugs, kisses and whisky

James

4:44 p.m.
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