Nothing is forever
And also because I broke up with James this week.
I went home Tuesday night and his friend picked me up from the airport. I was only going to be there for two days because I was also going to Kenyon on this trip and just stopping in to see him and my sister. He was going to stay at my house because his Mom is so controlling and would probably only let me see him once otherwise. Then I found out that he had to leave Thursday afternoon to see a play his sister was in.
"There not just having it on Thursday, are they?" I said. "Can't you go see it on another day?"
"That's the day they bought tickets for," he said stiffly. I also kept asking him when he was going to visit me in Baltimore. At first he was going to come in January, but then he couldn't, which is why I made the trip home. Then he said February, but when I asked him again, he said March, he didn't know, it depended on whether he got a job.
We went to see Big Fish on Wednesday. I really liked it, especially since my Dad sort of resembles the main character. And maybe I was a little influenced by the great lengths Edward Bloom goes to get the woman of his dreams. I feel like I'm third on James' list of priorities-first his job, then never ever standing up to his mother and sister and angering them, and then me.
I didn't know I was going to break up with him at first, I just wanted to talk to him about feeling neglected. But in the course of it I realized that it was true that he was doing the best he could, but that wasn't good enough for me.
My Mom told me "His mother is a bigger bitch than me," and my Mom is a big one. She'd love nothing better to control me. She was alternately wheedling and threatening me this weekend because I'm thinking of doing a second year of JVC and she wants me back home. But I just defy her and do what I think is best. James never does that. He let his Mom cancel our date on his birthday. It's like he's a big Momma's boy, even though he doesn't adore his mother, its just that he doesn't want to set her off.
I told him he needed to have a little more courage.
"If it's courage you're looking for, don't look to me," he said. And I realized that I did want a braver man. So that was it. I thought he was what I wanted, but now I don't think so. He wasn't strong enough or I wasn't.
The strange thing is, I don't feel too awful. Sure, I've been crying and feeling a little sad, but I know I made the right decision.
So we still hung out on Thursday before he had to go home. "I just want you to know that I hope you find the perfect man for you someday and that you're very happy. And if you don't mind, I'll hate that guy," he said.
"I wanted to say the same thing to you," I said. "And I have one small request. If possible, can her name not be Megan?"
Then we couldn't stand it anymore and just had a good laugh. And I hope I don't date a third James in a row. No offense meant to the name, it just gets too confusing.
