My dead tongue
Which melts like kisses from a female mouth
-Lord Byron
So Professor Bennett told me last week that I failed the retake of my Latin proficiency exam. I decided that that was it. I didn�t want to keep taking and taking Latin exams until graduation when I had so much else to do, and no guarantee I would even after all that pass.
Luckily I still have my English major, so it was easy enough to drop down to a Classics minor. I just went to the registrar and she took out my declaration of a major form, crossed out �major�, and wrote in �minor�. So I will be a minor with 6 units (36 credits).
Professor Bennett feels bad about it. He thinks that the department failed me somehow. I know its all my fault. It�s true that I would have benefited from an intro class that was more hands-on, but I can�t fault Dr. Weber for not inspiring me. He put all the information out there and relied on us to do it on our own, and it is my fault that I slacked off.
I feel just awful about it, although my parents and friends tell me that I made the right decision. Now there is going to be only one major graduating this year. The Classics department is so small and affectionate, and I let them down. Classics is first in my heart, and now I won�t be graduating as a major. They�ve tried so hard to pass me, and everyone was trying to help me, but I wouldn�t be helped. I didn�t go to anybody because I felt that I couldn�t even begin to explain what I didn�t know.
I love Latin still; I was very happy in my Roman history class last semester, but of course I had dictionaries and translations to help me. I love knowing the roots of English words and reading the Roman and Christian authors in they words they used. But when I had to sight translate, it was all Greek to me, and I just felt like the stupidest person in creation. All the other majors have a great facility with languages and most of them are fluent in several, and I couldn�t even pass Latin.
It�s been such a struggle for me. And I didn�t fail the tests by that much last semester-three points on the prose and four points on the poetry. But I just gave up after that. I was so looking forward to being done, and resented that I would have to take them again. And though I odi et amo Latin, I�m sorry it had to end this way.
Stultorum incurata pudor malus ulcera celat
It is a false shame which makes fools hide wounds instead of healing them.
�Horace.
