Philothea
Life in the JVC

Buckeyes candy

March 28, 2004
On Friday all of my house-mates were going to a bar to watch Xavier beat Texas, but I didn't want to go because I'm heartbroken that Syracuse lost to Alabama. Also, I picked Kentucky to win it all in my bracket so I am tired of March Madness. So I called Matthew and said "Everyone abandoned me!"

He said "Oh, well, I'd ask you to come over to hang out, but I'm really tired." At 8 o'clock! Then he said, in the tone of voice I imagine he uses on his students, "Are you going to be around for Easter break? Everyone else is going away."

So after that I figured that if he didn't want to see me when I was all alone, he didn't like me, was trying to push me away, and I should just cancel all plans for seducing him.

So I settled on the couch and put in the Hope-Crosby movie The Road to Utopia. It's set in Alaska! Although I'm sure it was all filmed in a back lot. Then ten minutes later he called back and said "I've decided that I'm acting like an old man, so if you want to come over and watch a movie with me, just give me time to take a shower."

Argh. My emotions are just raw from that man. I don't like liking someone this much when I'm not sure how he feels about me.

So I had a really nice time. We watched Duplex, and after the movie was over we sat in the dark talking for two hours. I told him that I had an online diary but I didn't tell him where. Because then he'd be reading this entry, after all. The thing is, we have such good conversations, that like in the Seinfeld episode, there are no awkward pauses to work with. When I was walking home, I was sighing and muttering to myself, when I saw Chris was playing chess on the front porch with LV Dave, and they heard me talking to myself like a crazy woman.

When I came inside, Beth told me that both the guys she has crushes on were at the bar tonight. So we ate ice cream and bemoaned our guy problems while Emily laughed at us. She said at least we had dates, and we said we didn't have dates; that was the problem. Em said we had appointments to see them again, which was exactly the same thing.

I almost wish we weren't such good friends, because how do I know he's not treating me like he would any good friend? But at the same time I feel like we're good enough friends that I won't damage the relationship too much if I ask him out and he turns me down.

Then On Saturday I did an about-face and decided that Matthew is actually madly in love with me. Who wouldn't be, really. I am gorgeous and witty and tall. I also made Buckeyes candy Saturday morning and eating them put me in a deliriously happy mood. I kept wanting to laugh at nothing after having three buckeyes after work. Matthew came by to help Emily and I make them. At first he was horrified to find out that there's paraffin wax in them, but tasting the finished product, he said that he had to revise his vision of heaven to include them. I've become so fond of Ohio now that I'm not there anymore. It's a good place to be from.

2:03 p.m.
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